Universal Studios with My Extended Family ( A Love Story of Sorts)
/“It’s a different story depending on where you start: who’s good, who’s bad, what it all means. Each of us shapes our stories so they make sense of who we think we are.”
My dad was an only child, as was my grandmother, and my great grandmother. All of the men on my father’s side of the family tended to leave wherever they were born and never return. So there are no relatives to speak of. My mom, however, had/has (what verb do you use for the living sibling of someone who’s now deceased?) a younger sister (by 8 years), so growing up I had “family” in the way of an aunt, uncle, and two cousins. Well, until I did not.
When I was about 5 or 6 years old, my mother cut off all contact with her side of the family. Why this occurred nobody quite remembers. Throughout the rest of my childhood my mom went on to make incredibly close connections with a series of friends, only to cut them off as well. I now know, through therapy and research, that such behavior is typical for someone with borderline personality disorder. A term which is still new to me and a term that for the first 43 years of my life I didn’t know existed. All I knew was that people were continually letting my mother down. Or that people couldn’t be trusted. Or that, as I was told over and over again, it was just me, my mom, and my dad against the world. There are worse ways to grow up (SO. MANY. WORSE. WAYS), but it was still lonely. My mom was always on edge and could be verbally abusive. My dad placated her. They both loved me. But being a party of three isn’t always easy. And now I’m the last one left.
UNTIL (yes, there’s an until).
When my dad died, 12 years ago, my aunt and her two daughters came to his funeral. I can’t really talk or even write about this moment without crying as it will forever be the boldest act of kindness that a person exhibited in front of me. By this time my aunt and uncle had four children and I met my two younger girl cousins for the first time at my father’s funeral (my older cousins are both boys, who I knew as a young child) and I will be forever grateful that one of the saddest days of my life was immediately transformed into a new beginning.
Of course, nothing is that easy. My mom and her sister became fast friends again. I should have been grateful for this, but I didn’t trust it. My mom was likable and made friends easily, but she could never keep them. And I was sure that this relationship would deteriorate. I refused to become too attached. Plus, I had small children and my own life in a different state. And I was furious that my mom had separated me from my relatives for so long (my aunt and uncle only live 10 minutes from my childhood home) only to rekindle the relationship once I had left home and moved on with my own life. It seemed callous.
But I learned over the next 10 or so years that my aunt and uncle don’t take relationships lightly. Once you’re in their circle they hold onto you tight. There is no grey area with them, family is FAMILY and it’s the most important thing. In the last two years, as we all had to deal with my mom’s deteriorating health and unpredictable behavior, they never once let me feel or be alone. There were holidays and dinners. Rides to the hospital. Airport pickups (even at crazy odd hours). Hundreds of texts asking how they could help.
And there are cousins ( I, the girl with no family, now have 4 cousins, 4 cousins-in-law, and 7 nieces and nephews). I now have so much family I could never figure out how to buy everyone a Xmas gift. And this February we all went to Orlando together and spent a day at Universal - 21 people (Dan had to work, otherwise we’d have been 22).
Do you know what it’s like after growing up alone to travel with 21 FAMILY MEMBERS? It’s surreal. It’s a love story. It’s overwhelming. Honestly, it’s a miracle.
Like all love stories, this is still fresh. And I know I should be hesitant to write or share too much about it. I’m sure that when you’re dealing with this many people everything can’t always be easy and beautiful. But for now, I, and my children, are still happy (should I say giddy?) with the wonder of it all.
My cousins all seem so different, yet, they are close friends, as are their significant others. Plus, all of their spouses (there has to be a better term than cousins-in-law) are the coolest people ever (one of who wore a t-shirt with an esoteric It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia reference which I feel sort of ashamed for not getting).
Anyways, life is a weird winding path. I’m 47 years old and I now have more family then I can name in one breath. And I’m so so grateful for everything.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MORE OF OUR FAMILY’S CRAZY LIFE? Then please click below.
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Darcy Troutman Photography is a Northern VA/Washington DC/Maryland documentary-style family photographer, who believes in capturing real moments. Interested in learning more? Please click here to sign up for my newsletter or schedule a session.